Copyright 1999 --  Robert Baer Jr.  Revised - 2000.

The Renegade Files - "Jurrasic Law"

PROLOGUE

This is the story of a superhero, The Computer Renegade, as told through
the eyes of his faithful bionic German Shepard Otto.  Disguised as
Accountant Nathan Lovejoy, the Renegade and his friends fight a never
ending battle against crime, injustice and danger.   This is yet another
entry from Otto's 'personal' log.  

THIS IS PURE FICTION, FOLKS! 

The Renegade Files -- "Jurrasic Law" 

What an afternoon it has been!   I thought I've seen everything in this
old world, but what happened today truly, as the humans would say, takes
the cake!

Today was the day the Computer Dinosaur had to appear in court, this time
he was being sued by his two former pterodactyle friends.  From my past 
encounters with Romulas and Remus, this seems to be in character for them, 
especially since neither one wants to work and the big guy has got steady 
employment.  

Court convened at exactly 1 PM with the presiding judge being Judge
Blanche Vito.  Samantha and Dree-'el had exams at college, Nathan and
Wanna had to work so I was the only one of 'the gang' in the gallery to
cheer CD on.  He was being represented by both Ben Maddog and Prairie
Mason.  The spectators gasped as Remuse entered the room, in a huge 
wheelchair with one of his claws wrapped in white gauze.  He made loud 
moaning  noises as she past by, her chair being pushed by Romulas.  
His attorney was a man named Albert C Swindler, who arrived in court five
minutes late carrying an armful of papers and his brown briefcase.

"Are you the attorney for the plaintiff?" Judge Vito curtly asked.

"Yes, your honor!" Albert said as he turned to face her,"I'm Albert C
Swindler, attorney at law!"

As he waved his arms, he knocked off the stack of papers at his table,
shattering them all around as the gallery laughed histerically.

"Mr Swindler!" Judge Vito shouted,"this is a courtroom, not a comedy act! 
 And you better have a good explanation for being tardy!  This court
demands an answer!"

"Well, your honor," Albert spokes as he was on his knees picking up his
papers,"I got stuck in traffic on my way back to the courthouse, and then
finding a parking place was a real hassle and then..."

"I wanted an explanation, not a novel!" Judge Vito snapped,"in the future,
you WILL be on time when you appear in MY court!  Now, I have read your
petition, you are suing the Computer Dinosaur for medical damages and pain and
suffering, is that right?"

"Yes, your honor, this is correct!" Albert shouted,"and as you can plainly
see my client is severely disabled, incapacitated and otherwise unable to
earn a living, we'd like for the court to award him a huge settlement from
the defendent, he can afford it!"

"I object!" Ben Maddog barked,"the physical condition of the plaintiff has
not been established yet, and neither has the financial soundness of my
client!"

"Sustained," Judge Vito said,"Mr Swindler, have you any evidence to prove
that your client is disabled?"

"Yes, his own testimony!" Albert said with a grin,"I call Remus to the
stand!"

"I object!" Prarie Mason barked,"the counsel for the plaintiff hasn't
produced any physical evidence of his client's health!"

"Overruled!" Judge Vito yelled,"I will hear the witness!  The defense will
have a chance to cross-examine, proceed Mr Swindler, he may testify from
there, he's too large to fit in the witness stand."

"Madam!" Albert begins,"is this huge Baerasarus your ex-college friend?"

"Yes, he is!"

"Can you tell the court why you feel you are entitled to damages from him?"

"YES, because he has repeatedly beat me up! I'm all crippled up!   I can't 
fly, can't work, and it's all HIS fault!"

"I object!"  Ben Maddog and Prairie Mason shouted in unison.

"SO DO I!" the Dinosaur roared,"HE'S LYING ABOUT ME!"

"ORDER IN THIS COURT!" Judge Vito said as she banged her gavel,"one more
outburst like that from you, big lizard, and I'll have you removed from
the room!  Mr Swindler, any more questions for the witness?"

"No further questions at this time," Mr Albert said proudly,"my client's
wounds speak for themselves!"

"The defense may cross-examine!" Judge Vito shouted.

"Mr Remus!" Ben Maddog said as he walked in front of her wheelchair,"you say
that my client used to beat you, correct?"

"HE BEAT ME ALL THE TIME, HAVEN'T YOU BEEN LISTENING, DOGFACE?"  she
sneared.

"Well," Ben Maddog said with a smile,"if that is true, then are you saying
that your injuries still haven't healed in over two years of time?"

"Er...... yep!  That's right!" he answered with hesitation.

"Who is your doctor, ma'am?" Ben Maddog asked.

"Doctor?" he said with a blank look on her face.

"Yes, who examined you and determined that you were injured?" Ben Maddog
asked,"where are your x-rays and official records of these alledged
injuries?"

The huge pterodactyle turned to Albert and shouted,"HEY, AL!   Give'm
those papers that your brother filled out on me!  You know, the ones that
are supposed to look official?"

Albert ran up to Remus and whispered,"quiet, you're blowing this case."

Laughter rang out from the gallery, I must admit that I, too, chuckled a
bit.  

"ORDER!" Judge Vito shouted as she slammed her gavel down repeatedly,"I
want to see those papers first!  Bring them to me!"

Albert began searching the stack of papers on his table to find the
correct document, making a huge mess all around him.  

"I have an idea," Prairie Mason whispered to Ben Maddog,"watch this!"

Prairie Mason takes out his moneyclip and tosses out on the floor in front
of the Judge's stand.

"LOOK!   MONEY!!!" Remus shouts as he leaps out of his wheelchair and dives 
towards it.  He picks in up in his claws and dances around shouting 'MINE MINE,
 ALL MINE!"  Mr Swindle tries to stop him, waving his hands in the air and 
shouting, but to no avail.  The gallery was laughing so hard that even Judge 
Vito could no longer control herself.

"I'VE SEEN ENOUGH OF THIS CIRCUS!!!"  Judge Vito screams as she repeatedly
slams her gavel down,"YOU, REMUS ARE NO MORE INJURED THAN I AM!   DO YOU
KNOW THE PENALTY FOR PERJURY?"

"No, your honor," he shouts with a smile,"but if you hum a few bars of
it, I may remember the tune!"

The gallery roared out again in laughter.  

"QUIET!" Judge Vito roared,"It's obvious to this court that the
plaintiff's entire case is one huge deception!  This suit is dismissed!"

"HEY, LADY!" Romulas yells,"when do get the money?  I've already put a down 
payment on a huge speed boat so I can take my brother out fishing!"

"Do you understand English, sir?" Judge Vito shouted,"the lawsuit is
dismissed, that means your brother doesn't get any money!  Got it?"

"But that's not the way it's supposed to go!" he shouted back,"that Albert
guy said all we had to do was wrap him up in bandages, show you some fake
x-rays and you'd give us money!"

"Shhhhhhhhhhhh!" Albert Swindler moaned,"don't tell her that!"

"Well well well!" Judge Vito said with a grin,"so, Mr Swindler, you're the
one who brought this frivilous lawsuit here, to MY COURT!   I'll see you
in my chambers in five minutes!   I'll see to it that you'll no longer be
anyone's lawyer!"

"That's OK!" Remusssaid with a smile,"Al ain't got a law license anyway, right 
AL?  But at least I have a whole wad of cash!"

"I haven't got the heart to tell them that those are green napkins in my
moneyclip!" Prairie Mason giggled,"I always carry one with me, never know
when it'll come in handy!"

"This was our easiest case ever!" Ben Maddog laughed,"Remus was our best 
witness!"

"We've won, my boy!" Ben shouts up at the Dinosaur,"what's wrong?"

The Dinosaur lowered his head and sighed.  I walked up to him and asked
him what was the matter.

"I can't believe that after all those two have put me through, that they'd try 
something like this!" the Dinosaur sobbed,"why can't they just leave me and my 
friends alone?"

"I don't have the answer to that question, my friend," I said calmly,"all
I know is that once again, they didn't succeed!  That's whats important,
isn't it?"

"I hate feeling like this!" the Dinosaur said in sorrow,"We used to be good 
friends at one time, but I'm so upset with them now that I wish I was a
carnivore!   I'd be tempted to have raw pterodactyle for dinner!"

"Calm down, big guy!" Prairie Mason shouted,"you know you wouldn't hurt
either one of them, it's just not in your nature to do that, right?"

"That's right," the Dinosaur admitted,"revenge is never the answer, I know
that, but what can I do to make them stop hassling me?"

"Just be yourself!" I answered,"let those two winged lizards do whatever
they want, enjoy your life and remember we're your friends, and we all
love you!"

"Gee Whiz!" the Dinosaur said,"thanks y'all, you're gonna make me cry!"

"I'll tell you what, big guy!"  Prairie Mason said with a big smile,"we'll
all go out to dinner tonight to celebrate, my treat!"

"What'd ya say, CD?" Ben Maddog asked.

"Can we go somewhere with a huge salad bar?" the Dinosaur asked.

"You've got it, my reptile friend!" Prairie Mason answered.

So, later that evening, we all went out to dinner.   Most of us have
steaks but the Computer Dinosaur and his lady friend Dree-'el ate a LOT of
salad.  I truly wish that Romulas and Remus will finally get the
message and leave him alone.  Oh well, it's a good thing he has friends
like us!  

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